In life, sometimes bad things happen, circumstances change, we lose the people we care about, and there are times when every day can feel like an uphill struggle. Sadly that's life. Things change, and it's not always clear why, but I promise you how you deal with that change can either be your greatest achievement or your downfall.
There is a famous saying that reads, 'You can't control the things that happen to you; you can only control the way you react to it.' My interpretation is that when bad things inevitably happen in life, you have three choices;
1) Do you let this break you? It is only too easy to dwell on the negative of a situation, to play the victim of life and question, 'Why me?' To look backwards instead of forward, 'If only I had been better, done this instead.'
But at the end of the day, what does that mentality actually really achieve? You are standing still, making yourself more miserable by clinging on to something that was entirely beyond your control or not worth saving in the first place. Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and excepting the other person to die. The only person you are hurting is yourself.
2) Do you let this define you? Instead of dealing with the problem in a passive healthy way, your running away and avoiding the situation altogether. Bottling up all this negativity, resentment and anger inside and often cutting out the people that care about you in the same breath.
You are sadly in denial, telling yourself you're fine while simultaneously numbing the pain with excess alcohol or drug use or working yourself to the bone to stay busy, any way to not have to think about it. Until eventually, everything you have been holding inside of you boils over and explodes. Hurting the people you love and yourself worse than if you had just admitted you had a problem, to begin with.
3) Or do you learn from it? This option is in no way easy, but it will ultimately save you a lot of time in the long run. To be able to step back from any given situation, take the time to recognise how you feeling/ thinking as well as the people around you, and make a conscious decision to focus on the positive and be better.
For example, if you've been made redundant from your job, it feels like that financial security blanket has been pulled out from under you. Instead of focusing on the negative and fear, you could see it as an opportunity. You never liked that job, to begin with, and now this has given you the push you needed to find something better, maybe even pursue a different career path that you would have never dreamed of doing before. At first, it might be a struggle but with determination and a positive mindset; you will make this happen and if it doesn't work out, at least you can say you tried. You have no regrets.
I'm not saying emotional intelligence is something you achieve overnight. It takes time, patience and, above all, practice. A simple yet effective method to achieve this is what is commonly referred to as 'the five-second rule', and I'm not talking about when you drop food on the floor but rather where you simply count backwards slowly from five in your head. When you find yourself in a difficult or emotional situation, and when you reach one you are giving yourself the mental step back you needed to think rationally.
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